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| 10 Things Not To Say To Your Child |
Parenting is no easy
job. The most important and difficult part of parenting is learning to talk to
your child.
Remember that
children take everything literally and the way you talk to them goes a long way
in building their personality. As a parent who wants the best for them,
sometimes we say things that we don’t really mean. Caution: damage is done.
Read on to know the
10 things parents and grandparents should never tell their kids:
1.
‘You are a
bad boy/girl’
Never
feed negative thoughts in your children, it kills their self-esteem. Kids
are innocent and believe in goodness. Always tell them to be good, happy, and
positive. Explain them that some words or actions are bad as they may hurt
or harm somebody. But don’t tell them that it makes them a bad
boy/girl. In fact, give them a positive comment like “you are the
best/cutest/brightest child in the world,” it will boost their
self-esteem. Chances are that they would never want to let you down. Teach them
what is right and wrong, and to value good things over bad.
2.
A straight
‘NO’
A
straight ‘no’ is too harsh for your little prince/princess. If kids hear ‘no’
all the time, they lose confidence and faith in their parents. If you don’t
approve of your children action, try giving them options. For example, instead
of saying “No shouting,” try “Talk softly, please.” Instead of “Don’t play
in the house,” tell them “Why don’t you call your friends to the park and
play.”
3.
‘Don’t
talk to me’
Never
ban the channel of communication between you and your children. Never tell
them to stop talking or arguing. Let them question and share their opinion
freely. Rather talk to them, if you want them to stick to your
advice. Tell them what they are supposed to do and why it’s important.
Convince them with your words, tone, and expressions. Yes, keep talking and
listening till they buy your point. When my child doesn’t buy my point, instead
of asking him not to argue, I make a sad face and say ‘Okay, do whatever
you like, but I am upset.’ This may start the conversation again and you have a
chance to bargain or win the argument. Try arriving on a win-win situation.
4.
‘Why
can’t you be like your brother/sister?’
Never
compare your children with their brother/sister. It makes them
jealous. They will feel left out. It drives feeling of failure in your
kids and dislike between siblings.
5.
‘Leave me
alone!’
You
are everything to your kids. Never tell them that you will leave
them alone or demand to be left alone. Never say anything that will hurt
your children to an extent that they feel they aren’t loved or
wanted. It’s a big no-no even if you feel like pulling out your hair, or just
want to be alone. Talk of kids teaching us patience? Yeah!
6.
‘No one
wants kids like you’
A
‘problem child’ doesn’t exist by its own, right? We are the ones to blame if
kids become problematic. They are a reflection of parents. They have
learnt everything from parents, family, friends, and surroundings. So if you
think your children aren’t behaving properly, remember they didn’t choose
to be in the world that surrounds them. You chose that world for them!
7.
‘You can’t
do this!’
Never
shake your kids’ self-confidence. There will be times when they would want to
do something, but you know they won’t be able to do. Just remember to give them
a chance as long as it doesn’t harm them. When my son thinks he can lift a
heavy chair, instead of ‘you can’t do it,’ I tell him, ‘Try if you can do it or
I will help you,’ or ‘You might hurt yourself in this attempt so let
me do it for you.’ The best alternative, however, is ‘Let’s do it
together!’ Kids learn through trial and error. However they’ll never try
anything new, if you’ve made them afraid to try.
8.
‘Girls/Boys
don’t do that’
A
child is a child, so let him/her be. Don’t create gender-biased
rules. Let your kids decide for themselves—to be more like girls or
boys when they grow up. Don’t stop them from
exploring things they may be curious about or good at. When my son was
three years old, I bought him a kitchen set and was prepared to see
people surprised. Who said boys shouldn’t cook?
9.
‘Let Daddy
come and I will tell…’
This
common mistake by parents is a double whammy. It instills anxiety and fear
in your child—especially of the person who you’re going to tell about whatever
happened—and it shows you’re incapable of handling your children or the
issue. Also, don’t make it an everyday threat. There are things your kid may do
unintentionally, or irresponsibly. You may want to tell your spouse about it.
Ask your kids, “Do you want to tell dad, or should I explain it to him and
give the reason?” Let your children take ownership of their
mistakes and their actions, but do it respectfully.
10. ‘You are too big to do this!’
Don’t
deprive your kids of childhood. They will grow up, what’s the hurry? Instead,
be like them. See if it makes them more comfortable and happy. So when my
8-year-old wants to jump on the bed because India won a cricket match, what do
I do? I start jumping too, and love to see him happier!
